


sun & moon | nomin

by orphan_account



Category: NCT
Genre: Angst, Dancer AU, M/M, TW: Self Harm, nomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-21 12:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14915217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "the sun goes down to let the moon shine.."lee jeno always gets the lead in school productions. na jaemin is always on the side. when both boys audition for the biggest production of the year, their last production, jeno flunks his audition to let his best friend take the role.





	1. auditions.

the dance hall is bustling with eager students all awaiting auditions. the all-boys school in the heart of seoul was putting on their yearly production, and this production was to be the biggest yet - a musical of _romeo and juliet_ , a more modern take on the classic shakespeare tale.

 

towards the back of the long line of hopefuls stands lee jeno with his best friend and long-time crush, na jaemin. both boys, like years before, are going up for the lead part. with this being their last performance, tensions were high.

 

jeno's eyes catch those of the production director, who beckons him over. excusing himself from the conversation with jaemin, jeno walks over to the director with a confused look on his face. the director slings an arm around the taller boy, grinning at him.

 

"jeno, auditioning for the lead again are we?" the director greets loudly, then lowers his voice as he continues. "i wouldn't bother if i were you. you're gonna get the part anyway, being the school's best dancer and all."

 

the director continues droning on to jeno, gushing over how scouts from some of the biggest agencies in south korea will be in attendance, and, how jeno is very likely to be getting scouted as a trainee. as the director goes on, jeno's eyes look along the line of hopefuls before they land on jaemin, who is practicing his routine in small motions.

 

for years, jeno had always gotten the lead part in every production. and, for years, jaemin had always been off to the side. both boys wanted to be scouted; it was their dream. however, jeno knew how much more it would mean for jaemin.

 

for years, jeno had always been in the spotlight. but not this time, he thought as he returned back to his spot. jaemin smiles at jeno as he returns.

 

"what did the director want?"

 

"hmm? oh. nothing." jeno smiles back. "you nervous?"

 

"is it that obvious?" jaemin chuckles.

 

"don't be scared, jaemin. you'll do great."

 

as the line of hopefuls get thinner as auditions wear on, jeno watches each audition with a overwhelming feeling of guilt. these hopefuls, the boys who all wanted the same thing he did, would never get the part. after a while, jeno turns away from watching the stage, his eyes instead falling to his friend. next to him, jaemin bounces on his toes nervously, mustering up the confidence. it flutters jeno's heart, how much strength his friend exhibited when it came to getting the lead, even in the times that he hadn't got it. jaemin had always been so strong, yet, jeno could see how much it hurt to not get the lead part.

 

as jaemin takes the stage, jeno lets out a cheer. he watches his friend with bated breath, praying for him not to mess up his routine. jaemin makes it through his routine with little mistakes, and as he reaches the end, jeno smiles with relief.

 

"he did okay. he did okay." jeno tells himself, as the director lazily waves jaemin off of the stage. jaemin bows to the director, before quickly exiting the stage and joining the others that auditioned before him off to the side of the stage.

 

the director then calls jeno on. he takes to the stage nervously, a million thoughts running through his mind. jeno had a task to do with this audition, it would not be like the others. looking first at the director, who grins at him in a sly way, his eyes then go to jaemin, who gives jeno a thumbs up and a bright smile that makes jeno's heart skip a beat. looking up into the stage lights, jeno starts his routine.

 

three days pass before the final roles are announced. the hopefuls from the auditions are now crowded around the sheet of paper on the school's notice board. at the front of all of them is jaemin, who has his mouth open in disbelief as he looks at the list.

 

the role of romeo, the lead part, went to na jaemin. for once, the boy out of the spotlight was now in it.

 

that lunchtime, jaemin cannot wait to tell his friend the news. he sits at the usual table where he and jeno eat lunch, waiting excitedly. he grins as he sees jeno walking over with his lunch tray, and jaemin calls him over:

 

"jeno! hyung!" jaemin yells, giggling slightly. "jeno!"

 

"what?" jeno laughs as he puts his tray down and sits. "jaemin, i think the aliens on mars can hear you."

 

"i got it!" jaemin says excitedly. "i got the part! i'm playing romeo!"

 

jeno smiles, thankful that his plan had gone well. jeno had purposefully kessed up his audition, and his chances of getting the lead, so that jaemin got the part instead. jeno knew how much it hurt for him to constantly be on the side, so, jeno thought that he should take jaemin's place for once. of course, jaemin would never know of this.

 

"congrats!" jeno cheers on his friend. "i knew you'd do great."

 

"i didn't expect to get the part, hyung!"

 

"you should have more faith in yourself. you're pretty amazing."

 

"i- thanks." jaemin smiles, happy for the compliment. having always been on the side had knocked the younger boy's confidence, so, having a big step up like this was a huge thing for him. "wait, which part did you get?"

 

"oh - just a small role. nothing like the lead." jeno shrugs, not wanting to dwell on his role as one of the extras within scenes. this was no longer about jeno, it was now about jaemin - but it always had been.

 

the two spend the rest of their lunchtime talking about random things in particular, bantering as friends did. of course, jaemin would always go back to his new role, and seeing how his eyes lit up every time he brought up the subject made jeno realise that what he had done was perhaps worth sacrificing the spotlight.

 

"congrats on getting lead!" jeno says to jaemin once again as the two walk home later that evening. jeno watches as jaemin runs up the path to his home, and waits until jaemin gets inside before jeno continues his walk home, smiling to himself.

 

jeno gets home shortly after seven in the evening. his parents tell him that his dinner is in the microwave ready to eat whenever jeno wanted to, as well as inquiring how the day went. jeno tells them that he didn't get the part, but he was okay with that because jaemin had got it instead. his parents understood their son, and wished him a good night.

 

later that night, as jeno eats his dinner, he receives a phone-call from hyuck. lee donghyuck was another friend of jeno's, who frequently got rather good roles within the school plays. however, hyuck hadn't auditioned for this year's production, since he had been ill since auditions started.

 

"hey hyuck." jeno greets his friend simply, as he bites into a leg of chicken.

 

"so." hyuck begins, as the recovering boy lays on his bed. hyuck hadn't been at school for a while, yet, he knew exactly what was going on and wanted jeno's perspective. "a little birdie tells me you flunked your audition for na jaemin."

 

jeno sighs. placing his chicken leg down on the plate, he answers: "yeah. what about it?"

 

"why?"

 

"hyuck, he's always been on the side. i've always been in the spotlight. jaemin may say he's okay with it but i can see that it crushes him."

 

jeno hears hyuck sigh on the other end of the phone, and he continues. "just once, jaemin deserves the spotlight like us."

 

hyuck pauses before he responds. "you really love him, don't you?"

 

"i have for five years." jeno smiles, thinking back on how everything he did, he had done it for jaemin only.

 

"just.. be careful okay? i don't want you to get hurt, jeno." hyuck says with a frown as he fears for his friend. hyuck had been there to see jeno's struggle with his feelings, and more importantly, the struggle to voice them to jaemin. jeno had always had a soft heart, and hyuck wanted it to stay that way.

 

"why do i need to be careful?" jeno smiles slightly. "it's just one part. it isn't gonna change anything."


	2. the next few weeks

over the coming weeks, jaemin fits nicely into his new role. he meets new people. he meets renjun, who plays juliet, as well as making new friends in chenle and mark.

of course, he still hangs out with jeno. however, as time goes by, jaemin starts seeing less and less of jeno. whenever jeno brings up the topic of hanging out; grabbing a pizza or just lazing around like they used to do, jaemin will always come up with an excuse. jeno feels himself slipping away from his best friend, the one he loves, and he doesn't like it.

one saturday afternoon, jeno lazes around in his room. his speakers are playing some soft rock and he hums along quietly, flicking through his social media and laughing at funny posts his friends tag him in. thinking of jaemin, having not seen him in weeks, jeno decides to text him.

_hey jaemin._

no response. jeno tries again.

_you wanna hang out later?_

still no response. jeno frowns slightly. jaemin usually text back right away - he was on his phone so much he practically was a phone. jeno sighs, and keeps trying.

_you can come round mine if you want, or i can go to yours? or we can go to the park or whatever?_

jaemin still wasn't responding, and it slightly annoyed jeno. he was slowly getting used to the excuses, but, just ghosting him like this seemed a bit too much. jeno tries once again.

_hello?_

at a nearby coffee house, jaemin sits in a corner booth with renjun, chenle and mark. the three of them each have an americano, and are laughing over a joke mark was checking. on his thigh, jaemin's phone vibrates as the texts keep coming through, yet jaemin glances quickly at them before going back to the conversation. he eventually gets back to jeno when renjun gets up to use the bathroom.

_hey! sorry i've been really busy. rehearsals are hectic and i've had no time for anyone._

jeno almost pounces at his phone when he gets a response. reading over jaemin's words again and again, jeno is just happy to finally have contact, he didn't even care if it sounded like a lie.

_i get it. so you wanna hang?_

renjun returns from the bathroom as the other boys finish up their drinks. chenle and mark have somewhere to be so they bid the other two boys a farewell before leaving. renjun turns to jaemin with a smile. "we heading to mine to practice that part now?"

jaemin's eyes were on his phone. _now? uh. renjun and i were actually meeting up. we just got food and we gotta practice that one bit of choreography that's bugging us. i'm sorry jeno!_

"who're you texting?" renjun asks, looking down at jaemin's phone. jaemin locks his phone's screen before renjun can see anything.

"nobody. just someone i know. let's go!" the two boys then leave the coffee-house.

jeno stares at the text in disbelief. it was another excuse. jeno frowns, and puts down his phone with a sigh before staring up at his ceiling. he almost falls asleep when his phone goes off. hyuck wants to facetime. answering the call, jeno lifts his phone up to show his face. jeno sees hyuck on the smaller window, his face was quite close to the camera so only his eyes and nose could be seen.

"hey!" hyuck says, his eyes crinkle at the sides so jeno senses that he was smiling. when hyuck sees jeno's frown his smile drops, and he almost rolls his eyes.

"he.. he just blew me off."

"what?"

"jaemin. i've been trying to hang out with him for weeks. he's always with renjun. or mark, or chenle. but mainly renjun."

"damn." hyuck says, as his gut tells him that he was right to start worrying about his friend.

"you don't think..." jeno's voice then goes quiet. "you don't think he likes them over me, do you?"

"of course not!" hyuck reassures him. "you and jaemin have been friends for years. i'm sure he's just getting used to having new friends. remember he was always alone before you came along."

"right." jeno thinks back to the first time he met jaemin — it was lunchtime during freshmen year. jaemin had just moved from a small neighbourhood in busan to the big city after his father got moved to a new firm. jeno seemed pretty popular within freshmen year for his dancing, and already made friends with some of the older students that were now trainees in some of the biggest companies in south korea. jeno saw jaemin eating alone one lunch and, being the sweet boy that he was, decided to spark up a friendship. five years pass, and one huge crush later, they're now in their senior year.

"you want me to come over?" hyuck breaks the silence, which makes jeno jump slightly having been in deep thought.

"hm? nah. i'll be alright." jeno smiles.

"if you say so." hyuck sighs. "don't worry yourself too much, okay? jaemin might actually be busy sometimes, what with him being the lead and all. no thanks to you, mr lee jeno."

jeno giggles slightly. hyuck was right in some places, it was thanks to jeno that jaemin had got the role. and there might also be days that jeno had to step back to let jaemin focus. jeno had realised this now, and thought best to try to change.

"thanks hyuck. you're so wise. i should start calling you an old man."

"please don't." hyuck rolls his eyes, but smiles.

"okay.." jeno grins. " _ahjussi_."

"you little-" hyuck pauses, as jeno hears the muffled call of hyuck's mother calling him down for dinner, followed by hyuck's loud response back. hyuck then turns his attention back to his friend.

"i gotta go. dinner time. i'll call you tomorrow, yeah?"

"alright. enjoy your meal, ahjussi. elders need to take care of themselves."

"do you want me to hit-" jeno disconnects the call before hyuck can finish, and he can practically hear his friend groan. more cheerful after the facetime with hyuck, jeno puts his own phone down before he too goes downstairs to join his family for dinner.


	3. rejected lunch buddy

as the months slowly pass by, it is at the point that jeno is virtually non-existent to jaemin. jeno does try to talk to his best friend, yet, it never amounts to anything.

 

after practice one day, jeno approaches jaemin. it was just before lunch, and jeno was hoping to get a lunch buddy - his lunch buddy.

 

"hey jaemin." jeno stuffs his hands in his pockets awkwardly as he talks. the smaller boy turns to face his hyung, flashing him a smile that makes jeno's heart almost flatline. jaemin's eyes crinkle at the corners as he greets his long-time friend.

 

"jeno! i haven't talked to you in ages! not properly, anyways." jaemin laughs, as his tone of voice was bright. this was nothing compared to the heartache jeno currently felt, yet jeno still smiles back at him. "how are you?"

 

"fine. how about you?" a complete lie, jeno wasn't doing as well as he stated. weeks of trying to contact the guy he loves, and have some physical connection with, wasn't working out for him. however, jaemin couldn't seen this, so jeno just kept smiling.

 

"i'm doing great, but, nervous. the big show is only a month away now — i heard there's definitely going to be an sm scout there. i hope i don't mess up. going into this industry is my dream."

 

jeno nods, remembering the nights he would spend with jaemin as they facetimed for hours, plotting their futures together. they both wanted to join sm entertainment and debut as idols, like older people they knew. however, they had never been able to go to the open auditions. jeno knew about the representatives from sm being in the audience when he was told at the auditions, and, seeing how much jaemin wanted his dream to come true, jeno knew he had to pass on the opportunity.

 

"hey, are you sitting with-" jeno is about to extend his lunch invitation, when he hears jaemin's name being called. the two look over at renjun, who is grinning as he and his other friends approach.

 

"jaemin! let's go!" slinging an arm around jaemin's shoulders, renjun drags jaemin away with his friends, which leaves jeno standing alone in the hall. sighing, jeno grabs his bag from the side and walks off to lunch.

 

later that night, as jeno was doing homework, he gets a text from jaemin.

 

_hey! are you doing anything this friday?_

 

a smile forming on jeno's lips at the potential of actually having some alone time with his best friend, jeno quickly types out a reply.

 

_no. why?_

 

a reply from jaemin soon came through, and jeno's heart leapt as he read the words.

 

_wanna hang out?_

 

finally, jeno thought, he was finally going to actually see his friend. jeno had so much to say to jaemin, and, being able to finally see him in person for longer than two minutes meant he may actually get the chance to talk. jeno responds back with haste.

 

_yes! i haven't seen you in ages! i was beginning to think you hated me.._

 

a new reply from jaemin makes jeno blush.

 

_i could never hate you! you're my boy!_

 

jeno was grinning with anticipation that he was actually going to hang out with his friend, and, seeing those words from him reassures jeno that maybe jaemin doesn't hate him after all. jeno soon replies back.

 

_so, what are we doing friday?_

 

jeno eagerly awaits another reply, and he can't help thinking of things they may do together — go to the park like they used to, taking over the playground equipment. or maybe they'd go to the shopping mall and shop around. or maybe somewhere quiet like the library or the coffee-house nearby. or maybe they'd just stay at home and chill out. either way, the two of them would be together alone, which is what jeno wants the most.

 

when jaemin replies back, jeno feels his heart sink as he hears the plan.

 

_well we're all gonna go to renjuns — me, chenle, mark, we do this every friday. mark's brother owns a pizza place so we can order in food, and since you're a great dancer you can help me and renjun on this part we're stuck on._

 

jeno sighs; a small part of him felt this may happen, yet, he tried to ignore the nagging feeling. hearing jaemin actually say it, that he just needs jeno as a helper rather than a friend hurt him. yet, he still responds.

 

_oh. are you sure you want me there?_

 

jaemin's reply eases his heart slightly, yet, jeno was still unsure.

 

_yes! we'll be going after practice on friday, don't forget!_

 

friday soon rolls around, and there was no getting out of the meeting. jaemin calls out for jeno after practice, and the four boys head out to the school's parking lot where mark has his car parked. on the drive over to renjun's, jeno is ignored. whilst at renjun's, jeno is ignored. even as mark was driving jeno home later in the evening, jeno is ignored. as expected, jeno was simply a prop to jaemin that afternoon.

 

when jeno gets home, he immediately video-calls hyuck, who at the time was calling their other friend, park jisung. the three of them join a group video-call. hyuck, at the time, is doing his homework whilst jisung appears to be watching tv.

 

"so. i was just ignored for a whole five hours."

 

"huh?" jisung asks.

 

"i hung out with jaemin."

 

the two boys cheer loudly at the news.

 

"finally!" jisung smiles.

 

"so that's where you disappeared to after practice." hyuck smirks. "what did you two get up to? spare us the details."

 

"well, it was more like.. jaemin hung out with his friends and i was just.. there."

 

"oh."

 

"i think he likes that renjun guy, you guys. i.. i saw jaemin earlier. all he did was talk to renjun, and laugh at his jokes, and smile at him just like he used to do with me. he only ever spoke to me once, to ask me to get his drink for him from the table." jeno sighs, resting his head against his bedroom wall.

 

"i'm kicking that boy's ass next time i see him." hyuck frowns.

 

"hyuck, no."

 

"he's clearly upsetting you. jaemin's behaving like an ass."

 

"yeah." jisung agrees. "jeno, you don't have to put up with this you know."

 

"but he will, jisung. he's head over heels for that boy."

 

"i am not." jeno defends himself.

 

"five years, jeno." hyuck says. "that's what you told me."

 

"why not just tell jaemin you like him already?" jisung asks. "it clearly hurts you that he's ignoring you, even so that he can't even see that it hurts you."

 

"i.. i can't do that." jeno goes quiet; insecure. "he might not even like me back."

 

"he might do." jisung offers a kind smile. "i mean who wouldn't like you?"

 

"you want us to come over, jeno?" hyuck asks. "you can rant to us all you like."

 

jeno shakes his head. "nah. you guys seem pretty busy, especially hyuck. i'll be alright, don't worry about me."

 

"okay.." both boys hesitate in accepting that their friend was doing alright. the three of them talk a little longer, both hyuck and jisung cracking jokes to make jeno smile a little more. at around nine, jisung says he's getting tired so he is going off to sleep, so he wishes his friends a good night and promises to see them soon. hyuck and jeno talk for a few more hours before jeno also starts to feel tired, so he says goodnight to hyuck before hanging up and laying back on the bed. after a little while of getting himself comfortable, jeno soon falls asleep.


	4. the choice

jeno sits with hyuck and jisung at lunch. he chews on his food as he watches jaemin across the hall, laughing with his new friends and teasing renjun in a cutesy way. jaemin always used to do that with jeno, and it always made jeno’s heart melt. but now it just hurts him.

 

hyuck watches his friend in his state of longing. flickering his gaze between jeno and jaemin, he then sighs and puts down his chopsticks.

 

“jeno.” his tone serious, hyuck gets the attention of his friend. “you’ve been like this for weeks. you either tell him how you feel or just let him go. i’m sick of seeing you like this, all mopey and-“

 

“hyuck.” jisung steps in defence of his friend. “that’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

 

“jeno needs to hear this. jaemin is acting like an asshole and is treating jeno like crap, yet, jeno’s too in love with him to see it.”

 

“you can’t just make him choose like that though.”

 

“watch me.” turning back to jeno, hyuck continues. “so, what’s it gonna be?”

 

“i..” jeno pauses, thinking it over. he was half guts and half fear at this point. he knew he had to do one of two things, yet, the choice scared him. “i don’t want to let him go.”

 

“then you know what you have to do.” hyuck answers. jeno nods. he had to tell jaemin how he felt, before he lost him forever.

 

the next day, a saturday, jeno sits on his bed staring at his phone. he knew he had to confess to jaemin, so, he decides he would do it today. it was now or never, he thought.

 

jeno bites the bullet, typing out a text to jaemin and hitting send.

 

_hey. where ya at?_

 

on jaemin's end, he was packing up a bag. he had plans to meet with renjun and sleep over his for the night, which meant they would get some much-needed practice time in. jaemin hears his phone goes off just as he was about to leave, so answers the text.

 

_going to a coffee-house for a bit of lunch before practice. you?_

 

jeno thought it was nice of jaemin to ask what he was up to, it might have meant jaemin also wanted to meet, so jeno responds.

 

_home_.

 

jeno then pauses, mulling over whether or not he should continue the text from there. he remembers what hyuck said, so, he continues with the text before hitting send.

 

_hey i need to tell you something. can i meet you?_

 

jeno smiles when jaemin responds.

 

_yeah! head over to the place i'm going — our usual spot._

 

jeno gets off of his bed, quickly getting changed. a smile is on his face as he decides on a style of outfit, opting for a simple white button-down with black jeans. grabbing his white sneakers and debating whether or not to take a snapback with him, jeno decides against it. grabbing his phone and some money, he leaves and heads towards the meeting place.

 

as he walks, he and jaemin exchange texts. jaemin wonders what jeno wanted to say to him, to which jeno told him it was a surprise. jaemin mentions he hated surprises (which jeno knew) but jeno teasingly said he might like this one — which jeno was praying for.

 

arriving at the meeting spot, jeno was on top of the world. looking for jaemin, he soon spotted him in the corner booth. he smiled, and he waved, yet as he got closer, he saw renjun sitting opposite jaemin. jeno stops in front of them, trying his best to keep a smile.

 

"jeno! you know renjun, right?" jaemin asks. jaemin shuffles over towards the wall so that jeno could sit down. it was nice that he was sitting next to jaemin, yet, the plans that jeno had for today were slowly being dashed.

 

"yeah, yeah.."

 

jaemin calls over the waitress so that they could order. jaemin gets a black coffee and a sandwich, renjun gets the same. jeno simply orders a coffee. as jeno watches jaemin and renjun engage in excited conversation over the play, and other things that jeno wishes he had inclusion in, jeno twiddles his thumbs. when the order arrives, both boys dig in happily, whilst jeno mulls over his drink.

 

"oh-" jaemin stops eating his sandwich, placing it down on the plate. swallowing the bite he had taken, he turns to jeno. "didn't you have something to tell me?"

 

"ah-" jeno looks between renjun and jaemin, who are both awaiting what jeno had to say. jeno then looks down at his coffee, stirring it with the wooden stirrer. "it.. it's nothing."

 

"really?" jaemin asks, tilting his head slightly. "you sounded pretty excited over our texts. and you were smiling when you came in.."

 

"i smile all the time." jeno brushes it off.

 

jaemin sighs. "are you sure its nothing?"

 

"of course." jeno feigns a smile. "just, uh. good luck on the play and all. you're gonna do great."

 

"you think?" jaemin blushes slightly.

 

"of course." renjun butts in. "they're gonna scout you for sure, min. if not, well, they don't know what they're missing out on."

 

jeno looks down again, bothered slightly by renjun's nickname for jaemin — it was what jeno used to call him. and jaemin would call him jen. it was their thing.

 

"aw, junnie. you're so sweet!"

 

"isn't that what friends are for?" renjun smiles. "best friends gotta hype each other up."

 

jeno then stands, not wanting to hear any more. he makes an excuse, saying he had homework, before he finishes his coffee and leaves, paying his side of the bill. his mind replays it all in his head, the cute nicknames included. jeno feels stupid for ever thinking of trying, so he heads home and immediately calls hyuck and jisung.

 

the two boys barely let jeno get a word in.

 

"did you tell him yet?" hyuck asks.

 

"did it go well?" jisung adds, slightly more excited.

 

"are you going to stop moping now?"

 

"our jeno's got a lover!" jisung cheers. "i'm so proud of him! that's my boy!"

 

"...he's older than you, jisung." hyuck says.

 

"he's older than you too!" jisung retorts, and jeno can imagine him sticking out his tongue in a childish way. it makes him laugh slightly, yet, his heart is too heavy for jokes.

 

"guys." jeno cuts off the excited chatter. "i.. i couldn't tell him."

 

"what?!" jisung says in shock.

 

"oh for gods sake.." hyuck mutters.

 

"i was going to meet him. and we did meet up. but.. when i got there.." just thinking back on it makes jeno tear up slightly, which he quickly wipes away and does his best to steady his voice. "but when i got there, renjun was there too."

 

"i'm this close to slapping jaemin, i swear to god-" hyuck continues to mutter.

 

"then what happened, hyung?" jisung says, pushing jeno to continue.

 

"well, i just sat there. how could i tell him? he probably wouldn't like me back anyway." as jeno says this, and replays the day through in his mind again, his tears start to brim in his eyes again. he tries to stop them again, but, they won't stop. his voice, which was faltering with every word, is a testament to this.

 

"but.. he likes renjun. i can see it in his eyes. jaemin looks at him.. the way he used to look at me. just with more.. hearts. if that makes sense."

 

"jeno, you're crying." jisung says, and jeno can hear a pout in his words. "you need a cheer-up?"

 

"i'm not crying." jeno sniffs, wiping his tears with his sleeve.

 

"need me to beat jaemin's ass?" hyuck asks.

 

"no. to both of those things. i'll be okay. i promise."

 

"you gotta let him go, jeno." hyuck says. "it's the only option now. you said yourself that telling him didn't go well, so, there's no point in trying. especially since it's making you this upset."

 

"i.." jeno says. "i don't know."

 

"you have us, hyung!" jisung says. "we're not leaving you alone."

 

"...thanks, guys." jeno says, a small smile on his lips. both hyuck and jisung do their best to cheer jeno up, if just for a short while. they both talk well into the evening, until they each hang up when they're called down for dinner. afterwards, jisung and hyuck engage in sending jeno silly pictures and poorly-taken selfies, which makes jeno chuckle as he realises how much his friends care for him. exhausted by the long day, jeno soon goes off to sleep.


	5. the birthday

jeno taps his fingers on his desk in class. it was early morning, and like always he was waiting for jaemin. jeno slightly doubted jaemin would continue their ritual of gossiping in the early mornings before class-time, since jaemin had been showing up at the same time as the other students, which bugged jeno because that was one of the only times he could actually talk to jaemin without an interruption.

 

jeno smiles slightly as he sees jaemin walk through the classroom door and towards his desk.

 

“min!” jeno calls jaemin over. sitting down on the seat in front, jaemin smiles at his friend, and jeno smiles back.

 

“you’re not forgetting about friday, right?”

 

“friday?” jaemin asks. jeno frowns slightly.

 

“my.. my birthday?” jeno asks. “you always come round on my birthday. we order pizza and watch scary movies?”

 

“oh!” jaemin chuckles. “of course!”

 

jeno smiles hopefully. “you’ll be there?”

 

“you think i’d miss your eighteenth birthday?” jaemin smiles. “i wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

 

jeno chuckles softly. "so, come round at 7pm? then we'll have the whole night. you can sleep over too!"

 

"sounds good." jaemin agrees. the bell goes to signal the start of class, so, jaemin moves to his seat near the front of the class. jeno feels butterflies in his stomach through the entirety of the class, and throughout the rest of the week until his big day.

 

throughout school-time, he gets small celebrations. however, they are the typical, jokey birthday beatings he got from hyuck and jisung. as for talking to jaemin that day, or getting a happy birthday off of him, jeno wasn't successful. he barely saw any of jaemin; maybe he was ill?

 

jeno decides to skip practice that day, as it was his birthday. he was sure nobody would mind it. besides, he knew all the choreography and figures it would be okay to miss one two hour-long practice session. instead, he spends most of his birthday in his bedroom, cleaning up before jaemin was to turn up.

 

it gets to seven, and, jeno waits by his front door for jaemin to show up. at seven fifteen, jeno still waits. at seven thirty, jeno still waits. at seven forty-five, jeno still waits. but, when a whole hour passes, jeno no longer waits. as he heads back to his room, he pulls out his phone to call jaemin.

 

as it rings, jeno starts to mutter to himself. "jaemin... min.. where are you? it's past eight, we said seven... jaemin, please answer.."

 

jaemin eventually picks up. jeno can hear music, and, a lot of drunken shouting. jaemin's voice sounds slurred, and jeno frowns, knowing what was going on.

 

"huh..?"

 

"did you forget?" jeno sighs.

 

"wha..?" jaemin slurs. "forget what?"

 

"my birthday, jaemin. you forgot my birthday."

 

"oh-" jaemin hiccups drunkenly. "happy birthday!"

 

jeno sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sits on the edge of his bed. "where are you? why aren't you here?"

 

"i'm at mark's party." jaemin answers bluntly. "it's pretty loud in here. i can barely hear you."

 

"can't you move to a quieter place?" jeno asks.

 

"but then i'll miss the party."

 

"forget it." jeno brushes off the subject. "jaemin, you know my parents lock the door at nine."

 

"they do?"

 

"yes."

 

"damn." jaemin answers, before he burps. jeno scrunches up his nose.

 

"did you even get me anything?" jeno asks, his voice going quiet.

 

"uh.." jeno sighs again, knowing what that meant. "i'm sorry jeno!"

 

"forget it. have fun at your party." jaemin was already gone at this point — jeno could hear mark pulling him away from the phone into the main fold of the party. jeno hangs up the phone, laying back on his bed with an exasperated sigh.

 

"it's not like i've been waiting for you to actually look at me." jeno mumbles. "to talk to me. to... to like me back."

 

two minutes into jeno's birthday wallowing session, he gets a call. hyuck, and jisung, wanted to facetime. pressing accept, he holds the phone up to show his face. by the look of things, hyuck was in his room — meant to be in bed, perhaps. jisung seemed to be watching a movie.

 

both boys cheer at jeno when they see him.

 

"happy birthday jeno!" jisung screams. "i know we saw you earlier, but, we're saying it again because it's still your birthday."

 

"birthday boy alert!" hyuck grins.

 

"oh—" jisung suddenly pulls a face. "are we interrupting your movie night?"

 

"there is no movie night." jeno answers, sighing.

 

"huh?"

 

"jaemin didn't show. he said he would. instead, he's at some party."

 

"is it that mark kid?" hyuck asks. "i hear he has a lot of parties. i guess being the brother of a pizza guy means you gotta be pretty popular. and being friends with the brother of the pizza guy—"

 

"not helping, hyung." jisung cuts hyuck off.

 

"oops."

 

"it's alright." jeno says. "i just wish he didn't lie to me. he always comes round on my birthday."

 

jeno remembers all the past birthdays when jaemin came over. he would bring a cake, and a ton of presents. the two boys would sprawl out on jeno's bed and watch whatever movies seemed interesting to them. it was quiet, and jeno got to spend time with one of his favourite people.

 

"why not throw a party?" jisung asks.

 

"with who? you and hyuck are my only friends."

 

"what about the older kids? the ones that got scouted?"

 

"the past seniors?" jeno asks, laughing slightly. "you think my parents would let them over?"

 

"..but you're eighteen now." hyuck says. "surely it won't matter?"

 

"what does me being eighteen have to do with it? they'll still say no." jeno says. "besides, i don't like parties. i like my quiet birthdays with jaemin. but i guess he's too old for them now."

 

"we're coming over." jisung says suddenly. "we got you presents anyway. hyuck can bring the cake too!"

 

"you're not spending your birthday alone." hyuck answers. "me and jisung will sleep over too. my parents won't mind, they're out of town for the weekend."

 

"my parents won't mind either — they've met your folks and think you're a good kid. just so long as i call them every so often to make sure i'm still alright." jisung adds. "we'll be over in ten minutes."

 

by nine, when jeno's parents had locked the door for the night and headed to bed, jeno was still awake, watching movies with jisung and hyuck. they laughed — quietly, of course — and made jeno feel slightly less lonely on his birthday. of course, jeno still wishes he had his quiet birthday with jaemin, like old times, but, it was becoming pretty clear where jaemin's priorities were now. so, in the end, jeno didn't spend his birthday totally alone.


	6. forgotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning to readers from the author; this part contains mentions of suicide — a suicide attempt, in fact. if you feel uncomfortable with this, please, do not read. i have tried my best to not go too into detail, but, if you feel uncomfortable you do not need to read. 
> 
> please, if any of you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me on twitter — @xuxltwt
> 
> xoxo,  
> bunny.

it was now three weeks before the big show. jaemin had practically forgotten jeno at this point, and, although it was hurting him, jeno was slowly forgetting him too.

 

jeno knew that things would never be the way he wanted. to jeno, jaemin seemed more interested in renjun. jaemin always gave renjun the same looks, the same smiles, the same laughter that would make butterflies start a dance party in jeno’s stomach.

 

there was so much jeno wanted to say, but, he’d never get the chance to when the one he loved was a million miles away. so, jeno decided to start forgetting about jaemin and move on. that way, things would be better, wouldn’t they?

 

practice finishes up that friday afternoon, and jeno heads home first rather than waiting around. as jaemin is gathering his things to go home, he feels someone tap his shoulder. turning around, he sees renjun stood behind him, with a sheepish smile on his face.

 

"junnie!" jaemin grins. "you walking home?"

 

"yeah."

 

"i'll join you then." jaemin says, and the two boys head off together. as they walk, they talk of random things — nervousness for the big show, the big show itself and whether or not one of them will get scouted, any big tests they both have coming up.

 

as they come out of a convenience store, having bought some snacks for the rest of the walk, renjun stops jaemin suddenly.

 

"hey, uh, min." renjun says, smiling sheepishly as he scratches the back of his neck. "are you doing anything this weekend?"

 

"no, not that i know of." jaemin replies. "why?"

 

"i was wondering if you maybe wanted to get a coffee." renjun answers.

 

"sure!" jaemin says. "are we practicing afterwards? like we usually do?"

 

"no, uh. just a coffee."

 

"i see." jaemin then giggles. "are you asking me out on a date, huang renjun?"

 

"what if i am?" renjun blushes, looking down at his feet.

 

"then i will go out with you. shall we say.. tomorrow morning? around lunchtime?"

 

"sounds good." they then continue to walk home. renjun goes first, and jaemin waves to him as he watches renjun go inside, before he continues down the road to his house. getting inside and heading up to his room, jaemin giggles giddily.

 

he was just invited on his very first date, and, he was very excited for it. jaemin has seen that renjun has started to become more shy around him, yet, jaemin never thought much of it until a few days ago, when chenle jokingly mentioned that the two of them should just date already with how close they were.

 

jaemin opens up his closet, looking over his clothes to decide the perfect outfit. torn between two, he pulls out his phone to call jeno. jeno picks up almost immediately.

 

"hey jeno. i need your help with something. which outfit of mine do you like better — my red flannel and black jeans, or my white shirt and blue jeans. and should i wear black or white shoes?"

 

"uh." jeno processes the information just given to him. "second outfit. i like your simple style. and as for the shoes, go for white."

 

"thanks!" jaemin smiles, and goes to hang up before jeno continues.

 

"whats going on?" jeno smiles, and jokingly asks: "you got a date or something?"

 

jeno was hoping that jaemin would get the joke, and reply that he didn't have a date. but jeno's smile drops as he doesn't get the answer he wanted.

 

"oh! i forgot to say! renjun asked me to go get coffee — a date, jeno! so, i had to come get your fashion advice. you always look so stylish. plus, you're my best friend so why wouldn't i come to you for this?"jeno starts to feel his heart break all over again, but, jaemin would never know this. jaemin continues on. "so, second outfit with white shoes, yeah?"

 

"yeah." jeno answers in a monotone voice, trying not to burst into tears over the phone. jaemin says goodbye then hangs up, and jeno lets out a long sigh before he starts to sob quietly.

 

his phone then buzzes with a text notification from his group chat with hyuck and jisung. they were just talking random nonsense, and, jeno didn't want to break the mood so suddenly, yet, he was slowly getting to his breaking point.

 

_he.. he was asked on a date._

 

conversation between hyuck and jisung stops as they question what's going on.

 

_who?_

_who do you think, jisung? jeno, are you okay?_

 

jeno's mind was starting to mess with him, taunting him for all he had done. jeno lets it all out, his tears staining his cheeks and then his phone screen.

 

_five years. five years down the drain.._

 

jeno's tears flood his eyes to the point where he couldn't see his words anymore. he puts down his phone to try and calm down, his words coming out in a hurried mumble.

 

"i did everything for him. it's thanks to me that he even got that part in the first place.." jeno hugs his knees as he cries, resting his forehead on his kneecaps. "i helped him at his lowest points. i-i picked him up when he fell down. and now he's just gone and thrown it all away.. thrown me away."

 

jeno's phone continues to buzz as his friends worry for him.

 

_jeno, want us to come over?_

 

jeno sighs, picking up the phone to answer.

 

_don't bother. i'll be fine in a few hours anyway._

 

jeno hesitates as he tearfully types his next words and sends them.

 

_or i'll be dead._

 

jeno's phone then starts blowing up with notifications from the chat.

 

_jeno. you're scaring me. please.. talk to us.._

 

jeno sighs, replying.

 

_it's too late for talking. nobody's gonna listen anyway._

_jeno, stop it._ hyuck says. _for gods sake, talk to us._

_i'm sorry guys. i really am. you don't deserve a loser like me._

 

jeno puts his phone down then, as his mind wanders to the darkest of places. he had attempted such actions before, but, then he met jaemin and everything started to get better. but, as of late, he had been thinking of such times again. it was only rare that he would do anything about it though.

 

jeno's phone keeps counting up the missed calls from hyuck and jisung, but, jeno cannot see them. instead, he is in the bathroom, staring at his tear-stained face. he opens up the medicine cabinet, and his mind fully takes over as he grabs anything he can find to help end his pain.

 

jeno couldn't find any reason to stay alive anymore, not that he'd now lost the one person that had kept him going all these years. jeno had officially crumbled back to the old ways again, and, this time he was going to succeed in what he couldn't do five years ago.

 

one vice in jeno, however, is that he never knew when to stop. he wanted to make sure it would work, so as he waited for the pills to kick in, he got to work on his arms. one, two, three, four, five cuts to replace the old ones. his arms stained red with look. then, panic set in.

 

jeno had never got this far before. as much as his subconsciousness wanted him dead, jeno never actually wanted to die. feeling dizzy already, jeno stumbles back to his room to grab his phone. he could just barely see the texts from hyuck, telling jeno he was outside his house and to let him in.

 

jeno starts to stumble to the front door, typing as he does. his words are jumbled, and hyuck can barely make sense of them. that was, until jeno presses the speech-to-text option and his words came through clearer.

 

_hyuck. hospital. get me to the hospital._

 

hyuck's eyes go wide as he wracks his brain for the code to jeno's door. unlocking it, hyuck pulls open the door to see his best friend sprawled out on the floor, his blood staining the wooden floors and his phone in his hands. hyuck shakes jeno's shoulders, yet, he's unresponsive. panic sets in as hyuck tries to find a way to wake jeno up. attempting to lift him, hyuck decides he needs to get jeno to the hospital quickly. jeno slumps against hyuck as he lifts him. hyuck groans, cursing how weak he was. resting jeno against the counter, hyuck finds his next option — jeno's parents.

 

running to jeno's parents' room, hyuck knocks on the door before he enters. thankfully, his parents were still awake - at least, his mother was. jeno's mother sees hyuck stood in the doorway and raises an eyebrow.

 

"donghyuck." she says. "i didn't know you were staying over. i would have thought jeno would tell me-"

 

"mrs. lee. it's jeno. he-" hyuck stutters, as he keeps one eye on jeno from where he was. he could see jeno slowly slipping from the counter, so, he had to act quickly. "he's done it again. it's really bad this time. i-i don't know what to do."

 

jeno's parents knew of their son's past, and each had differing views on it. his mother, when she initially found out, was saddened, whilst his father got angry. however, both parents supported their son through it, but never expected that the day would come again.

 

jeno's mother wakes his father, and tells him what happens. then, the three of them race out to the kitchen, to where jeno was now on the floor again. jeno's father carries jeno's unconscious body to the car, as hyuck explains the story. the three race jeno to the hospital, each of them in varying stages of panic.

 

"it's gonna be okay." hyuck mutters. "it's gonna be okay. it's gonna be okay."

 

they soon get to the hospital, where jeno's father carries him to the emergency room. hyuck gets the attention of a nurse, who whisks jeno away with the help of a few other doctors. hyuck and jeno's parents follow, and they hold their breath as the doctors work quickly to stabilise jeno.

 

as they work, hyuck calls jisung to tell him what's going on. jisung insists he wants to be at the hospital, yet, hyuck tells him no, and to come by in the morning. saying goodnight to jisung, hyuck turns to jeno's parents. the three of them then await news of whether or not jeno will pull through.


	7. bedside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i deeply apologise for not updating in DAYS. i was very busy with exams, but, now i am no longer in college! all my exams are done and i finished officially as of last week!   
> since i now own what was my college ipad, i figured i would give yall an update. this, much like the twitter version, is the second to last chapter, so please await the ending (and perhaps an epilogue because you deserve one!)
> 
> enjoy!  
> bunny xo

hyuck sits in the armchair next to jeno’s hospital bed, glaring at his unconsious friend through tearful eyes. having received jeno’s texts from last night, hyuck got into jeno’s place to see his friend sprawled out on the floor, bleeding from his arms and clutching at his throat. after waking jeno’s parents up, they all went to the hospital.

 

hyuck, along with jisung, had stayed by jeno’s bedside for over three days now. had hyuck not went to jeno’s house after getting those texts, nor found the key when he did, jeno might have died. the doctors had stabilised him yet it was only a matter of time as to when he would wake up.

 

hyuck looks over to jisung, who was curled up in the other chair. his eyes were red and raw from crying. hyuck then looked down at the wires hooked up to jeno, and sighs deeply.

 

“you’re an asshole.” hyuck mutters, fiddling with his fingers. “why the hell did you have to go and do that? why did you not just ignore him like i told you to?”

 

“you have us all worried sick, asshole.” hyuck continues. “we care a lot about you and i’ll be damned if i’m letting you go like this.”

 

hyuck sighs again. he knew it was no use getting so mad about this, but, he couldn’t help it. when jaemin would ignore jeno, he would always come complain to hyuck and jisung. hyuck hated seeing his friend go through so much pain due to one guy, and what happened the other night was the final straw.

 

“i’ll be even more damned if i let him anywhere near you after this. he had his chance.”

 

the silence in the room is abruptly interrupted when jeno's phone rings. hyuck looks over at it, seeing jaemin's name as the caller id. anger flushes through his body, and he ignores the call. yet, the ringing persists, until finally hyuck picks up the phone.

 

"what?!" he snaps angrily.

 

"jeno...?"

 

"this is hyuck."

 

"oh, hyuck!" jaemin sighs with relief. "have you seen jeno recently? he hasn't been at practice for a few days and i'm worried ab-"

 

"why are you so concerned?" jaemin was taken aback by the sudden question.

 

"this is all because of you." hyuck seethes down the phone, gripping the arm of the chair.

 

"what..?"

 

"jeno tried to kill himself the other night."

 

"he what?" jaemin gasps, as he brings a hand to his mouth.

 

"don't act so surprised." hyuck snaps. "you've been ignoring him for months. all he wanted was to see you. but instead, you just walk all over him."

 

jaemin steps back as hyuck yells at him. he loses his fitting and falls against his bedroom wall. jaemin's mind was a whirlwind as the news is slowly sinking in. his voice becomes quieter, yet, keeps its insistent tone.

 

"where is he now?" he asks. "can i see him? please."

 

hyuck scoffs. "you think i'd let you see him? jeno could have died because of you. i'm not letting you see him."

 

"hyuck.." jaemin's voice cracks slightly.

 

"he doesn't need you anymore." hyuck threatens. "you've done enough to him already."

 

hyuck then hangs up, and jaemin lets his phone drop to the floor as his back slids down the wall. he lets out a long sigh, before a quiet sob follows. jaemin begins to shake as he hugs his legs, rocking back and forth as tears begin to fall.

 

his best friend. jeno, his ride or die. the one that made him laugh and smile. the dynamic duo, as others would say. the thought of jeno in that hospital bed, hooked up to tubes and bandaged like a mummy scared jaemin to the point of further tears.

 

his phone pings with a notification. mark and chenle wanted to meet. jaemin messages back, saying that he was on his way. jaemin needed a distraction at this point, something to, if not stop the pain, at least let it disappear for a while.

 

jaemin meets with his friends at mark's brother's pizza place. they get a corner booth and sit and chat whilst their food is getting prepared. they talk of usual things, but, soon enough jeno comes into conversation.

 

"did you guys hear what happened?"

 

"ah, right." mark says. "that jeno kid."

 

"what?" chenle asks.

 

"the guy playing one of the extras. used to be the lead guy in all the productions." mark explains. "jaemin, you were friends with him, right?"

 

"i still am.." jaemin mumbles, as he sips on his coke.

 

"really?" chenle says. "i barely see you two together."

 

"anyway." mark catches the attention back to him again. "what happened was pretty gruesome. apparently he got into the medicine cabinet? took a bunch of pills. his arms were bleeding too."

 

"how did you hear all this?"

 

"jisung told me." mark answers. "he and hyuck are at the hospital with him."

 

"damn.." chenle says, spacing out slightly. "that's pretty.. wow.."

 

"i know right?"

 

"do you know why he did it?"

 

"i dunno. jisung didn't really tell me much. said it wasn't for me to know, i guess."

 

"yeah, but, there must have been a reason."

 

"guys." jaemin cuts in, uncomfortable. "can we talk about something else, please."

 

"alright." chenle says. "you coming to mine later? bring renjun with you. you can tell us about your date."

 

both mark and chenle start giggling, as mark adds. "oooh yeah!"

 

jaemin nods, and the boys continue talking. they stuff themselves with pizza antd have a good time, yet, all the while, jaemin never stops thinking of jeno, and hoping that he pulls through soon.


	8. waking up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it~ the official final chapter.
> 
> however, i know a lot of people in my curiouscat wanted an epilogue of sorts, so, whilst this is the last chapter there WILL be an after-ending chapter in which i will attempt to tie up the loose ends! to those of you who stuck around to the end of this, thank you! i am planning a few more twitter aus, so, my twitter is @XUXlTWT (the i is a lowercase l) if you wanna keep your eye out for them, or to start up a friendship! i will appreciate it if you tell me how much you enjoyed this au, as, i really do enjoy writing it!
> 
> this has gone on long enough. enjoy the end!  
> bunny xo

jeno groans as he wakes up. his head was pounding and he could barely remember anything. the bright lights of his hospital room weren’t much helping him either.

 

“where.. where am i?” his voice was hoarse, but it was loud enough to stir jisung and hyuck from their slumber. jisung quickly rises, throwing cautions arms around his friend as his tears start up again, his words tumbling out in rapid motion.

 

“oh my god, you’re okay! we were so worried about you! we-i thought you were going to-“

 

“jisung.” the heavier voice of hyuck makes jisung disconnect from his friend. jisung meekly sits, as hyuck turns to jeno.

 

“you’re in the hospital. after that little stunt of yours, we had to bring you here in order to save your life. if it wasn’t for me, you’d be dead.”

 

“huh..?” jeno had lost most of his memories from that night, but, a quick glance at his bandaged arms was enough to do the trick. jeno went quiet then.

 

“well, do you have anything to say for yourself? huh?”

 

“i’m..” jeno pauses, thinking over his words. “where’s jaemin?”

 

hyuck frowned at these words, scoffing. “he’s not here.”

 

“why not?”

 

“because you almost died because of him. you think i would let him see you?”

 

“i want to see him.”

 

“well, you can’t.”

 

“why not?”

 

“because!” hyuck yells. “we’ve watched you complain for months when he ignores you or plays you like a damn fool. we’ve had to watch all of it and we couldn’t do anything to stop it. you couldn’t stop it either. so now this has happened, i clearly see that someone had to put a stop to it.”

 

hyuck sighs. “you’re not seeing him. end of discussion.”

 

jaemin sighs as the rehearsals take a break. the show is that evening, yet, all jaemin can think about is jeno. jaemin misses him terribly, and, replaying hyuck's words over in his mind fills him with regret. pulling out his phone as he sits against the wall, jaemin texts hyuck.

 

_it's been three weeks. can i please see him?_

 

jeno's phone pings with a text notification. jeno looks over at the screen as it flashes. "jaemin."

 

hyuck immediately grabs jeno's phone, answering the text.

 

_what did i tell you last time? the answer is no._

 

"what does he want?" jeno asks quietly.

 

"nothing." hyuck answers. he then gets another text from jaemin.

 

_can you at least tell me how he's doing? he didn't.. he didn't die, did he?_

 

even though jaemin knew jeno was safe in the hospital, he still had a thought in the back of his mind that he didn't make it through the night, or through these last few weeks. he breathes a sigh of relief when hyuck replies.

 

_no. he's awake now. he keeps asking for you like a little fool._

 

jaemin smiles softly when he reads that jeno wants to see him. even though he knew the answer would be no, jaemin hoped that hyuck would let up a bit and allow him to see jeno. yet, he got the same answer as always.

 

_i don't want you talking to him or seeing him. in fact, i don't want you talking to me either._

 

the conversation ceases at this point, and jaemin sighs as he rests his head against the wall. "hyuck.."

 

hyuck places jeno's phone down, smiling slightly. "jaemin won't be bothering you anymore."

 

jisung had watched hyuck texting jaemin, and he could see how much it hurt jeno to not be able to see him. he quietly pulls out his phone as hyuck and jeno are talking. scrolling through his contacts, he soon finds jaemin's name — jisung had got jaemin's number from jeno when the three of the, once worked on a class project, yet, jisung had rarely texted jaemin until now.

 

jaemin lifts his head when a text comes through from jisung. jisung gives jaemin directions to which hospital they are in, as well as the room number. jisung tells jaemin not to thank him, and only to hurry up. jisung made a plan to get hyuck out of the room for a while; he would ask if they both wanted to get food from the cafe downstairs. he hoped this would give the two of them time to talk.

 

jisung then explains what jeno couldn't. jisung tells jaemin how jeno loves him, and, the reason why he attempted was because he was scared that jeno had lost jaemin forever. jisung also explains that jeno flunked his audition to get jaemin his role, since jeno didn't want to see him pushed aside anymore. anything jeno did, he had done for jaemin.

 

jaemin, of course, is surprised when he hears this. jaemin has never know of jeno's feelings, and, jaemin certainly had no idea if he felt the same way about him just yet. jaemin had never meant to push jeno out, he tells jisung. jaemin only ignored jeno because he was scared he would lose his new friends, as they didn't like jeno. more importantly, they didn't like jeno with jaemin. jisung understands this, and once again tells jaemin to hurry up.

 

the moment that final text sent through, jaemin set himself in motion. he started to quickly pack his bag to leave when the director made the final call.

 

“okay, final rehearsal of the last scene. jaemin, renjun, positions-“

 

“director-nim. i need to go.”

 

“what?” the director glares at jaemin. “you’re our big star. you can’t just leave so soon-the show starts in an hour.”

 

“i only need ten minutes!” jaemin pleads. “i know the part well without another rehearsal. i promise i’ll be back.”

 

the director sighs. pinching the bridge of his nose, he finally lets up. “fine. but hurry back.”

 

jaemin nods, a smile on his face. “thank you!”

 

he rushes out of the door. as his feet carry him as fast as they could towards the hospital, jaemin thought over all that was said. remembering all the things jeno had done for him, all of the care jeno had shown. jeno loved him. and, jaemin finally realised, that he loved jeno too. he had just been a fool.

 

following jisung’s directions, jaemin was soon outside jeno’s room. looking through the glass window, jaemin could see jeno sat up in bed, watching tv. jaemin quietly enters, and stands in the doorway, waiting for jeno to notice him.

 

as jeno laughs at something funny on the show, his eyes catch jaemin in the corner. his voice goes soft as he offers a smile.

 

“jaemin-“

 

tears well in jaemin’s eyes as he walks towards his hyung, wrapping his arms around jeno in a tight embrace. jeno chuckles softly, patting jaemin’s hand with his own. jaemin then lets jeno go, stepping backwards and sitting in the chair by jeno's bedside.

 

“it’s okay. what are you crying for?” jeno smiles. jaemin chuckles tearfully back at him.

 

“i missed you.” jaemin mumbles. those words cause a flicker in jeno’s heart, and his smile grows wider.

 

“i missed you too. how did you get here?”

 

“jisung.” jaemin says. “anyway, i only have ten minutes. and i have a lot to say so.. i’ll just spit it out.”

 

jaemin then told jeno about how he knew jeno was in love with him. how much jeno cared for him and how jaemin knew how he was being so ungrateful in return. jaemin said how as he was on his way over here, he kept replaying everything from the past five years over in his head and it made him realise some things.

 

“all of this. it made me realise.. that i..”

 

“yes?” jeno asks, and his heart was pounding. he had been waiting for this moment.

 

“i love you too. and.. i don’t want to let you go. never.”

 

jeno’s smile then grew wide. this was what he had been waiting for. nobody was going to take it from him now - jaemin had chosen him.

 

"and i'm sorry." jaemin says. "i'm sorry for behaving like an asshole. i'm sorry for forgetting about you. i really am."

 

"it's okay." jeno smiles humbly, feeling like he was on cloud nine. "you don't need to worry anymore. you're forgiven."

 

jaemin breathes a sigh of relief as he smiles. he carefully rests his trembling hand on top of jeno's. he hesitates, before he slowly interlocks their fingers. both boys look at each other before letting out a soft giggle.

 

when hyuck and jisung returned, the first thing they saw was jeno, with jaemin curled up sleeping next to him.

 

“what is he doing here?” hyuck asks, his anger rising again. “what did i tell you, jeno?”

 

“hyuck. it’s okay. he.. he loves me. he said he loves me.” jeno couldn't hide his smile, as hyuck only frowns at him.

 

behind hyuck, jisung smiles, as if he knew it was going to happen. but hyuck doesn’t let up.

 

“how can he love you if he did all that to you, huh? i want him out.” hyuck then moves to get jaemin out of the room. jeno stops him, using one arm to shield the sleeping jaemin.

 

“hyuck.” jeno’s voice was a lot stronger now. “i want him to stay. and i want jisung to stay too. but i want you to leave.”

 

“what?”

 

“you’ve done enough. please go home” jeno says. "i'll see you soon."

 

hyuck looks at jisung in disbelief. jisung just shrugs, but, the younger boy had a small smile on his face. one final look at jeno told him all he needed to know. hyuck turns on his heels and leaves jeno and jaemin to their peace.

 

perhaps jeno did not get the lead part in the play, but, that didn’t matter to him anymore. as jeno looks down at the sleeping boy resting his head on his shoulder, jenk realises something. he had gotten the lead part in jaemin’s heart, and that’s all he could ever ask for.


	9. the after-story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it! the end! completed! finalized!
> 
> i tried to tie up loose ends with this little epilogue of sorts. i probably did a poor job at it, and, if i did, i am sorry. but, as i said last time, i really hope you guys enjoyed this au! i did my best to transcribe it from its original twitter form, and, i'm hoping i did a good job.
> 
> i have.. some more possible aus in the works, so, look out for them in the future! 
> 
> enjoy!  
> bunny xo

jeno and jaemin sit together in their favourite coffee-shop one afternoon. jaemin rests his head on jeno's shoulder as the two boys interlock fingers, talking in giggly whispers and sharing cutesy rambling.

 

the little bell above the door rings as jeno watches hyuck enter. jeno tenses slightly — he hadn't seen hyuck in three weeks since he'd left the hospital. he was still rather angry at hyuck for what had happened, despite jaemin eventually seeing reason to everything and trying to explain so. but, jeno was persistent with his feelings — as showcased with jaemin.

 

hyuck walks over to the two boys and stops in front of them. hyuck looks dishevelled, for a lack of better words. he had bags under his eyes, he began to shake at times as the only thing that seemed to keep him away was coffee, which could be smelt on his breath and his clothes — baggy sweats and a baggier shirt.

 

hyuck barely acknowledges jaemin, staring directly at jeno. jeno blinked at hyuck a few times.

 

"hyuck."

 

"jeno." hyuck's voice came out rather hoarse, but that may have been due to the fact that hyuck was trying to keep his anger under wraps. he was still very upset with jeno for kicking him out like he did, and even madder at jaemin for getting the place hyuck once had. jisung barely talks with hyuck as well, opting to hang out more with jeno and jaemin. "can we talk, please."

 

jeno looks over at jaemin, almost asking for permission. jaemin smiles, nodding. jeno lets go of jaemin's hand as he stands, and hyuck directs them to another table for the two to have a private discussion.

 

"what is it, hyuck?" jeno asks when they sit. "also, you look terrible."

 

"well, thank you for finally noticing me." hyuck snaps slightly, which surprises jeno. hyuck then sighs, and lowers his tone. "i need to ask you something."

 

"go ahead."

 

"why." hyuck says. "why did you do that to me? why did you cast me out like that, when i was the one who saved your life? without me coming over that night, you would have died. without me getting your parents up and helping them take you to the hospital, you would have died. so, why, when jaemin crawled back did you let him stay, and push me out once again."

 

"i—" jeno is taken aback. "i don't get what you're saying. why are you so angry?"

 

"because i have a right to!" hyuck snaps again, causing others in the coffee-house to look over at their discussion. "because i have been your best friend for almost eight years, since middle school. because i sat with you as jaemin made you feel like shit! because i saved your goddamn life and all you did was just push me out again! you did it when jaemin first came into your life and you did it again when he came crawling back!"

 

"hyuck. please, calm down. don't.. don't blame him for this."

 

"oh, i have every right to! what has he done for you, huh? did he save your life when you almost died, did he sit by your bedside for weeks waiting for you to wake up? no. no, he did not and do you know why? he was too busy doing exactly what you did to me. he was too busy pushing you out of his life."

 

jeno doesn't know what to say, as hyuck tears into him. he sits, he listens and he tries to understand. jeno looks embarrassingly at the other patrons, and, he looks over at jaemin. jaemin isn't looking at him, though. he simply stirs his coffee whilst avoiding everyone's eyes.

 

"why did you choose him, jeno, after all he did for you? that's all i want to know."

 

"because i love him, hyuck. yes, i know he hurt me. but, that's what love is, sometimes. sometimes love will hurt you, but, you need to have faith it will work out in the end."

 

"it wasn't faith, it was pity." hyuck scoffs. "jaemin felt bad for hurting you. if he really loved you he would have admitted it earlier. since you guys were so close."

 

"hyuck, i am not doing this with you now." jeno sighs. "just get to the point, or just leave."

 

"fine. but, let me ask you this: is there any room for me in your life again. are you ready to throw away a friendship of nearly ten years?" hyuck asks. "jeno, you may not have seen it before, but, i care about you so goddamn much. i always have, and, despite you being a major dickweed right now, i always will. i.. don't want you to just cast me out like this. at least give me a proper explanation."

 

jeno sighs, looking down at his hands as he thinks it over. it was hard to stay mad at him, and, like jaemin, jeno is beginning seeing sense to hyuck's actions. hyuck's heart was in the right place, even if at first it didn't seem like it to the love-struck jeno.

 

"i miss you, jeno. please, don't do this."

 

jeno chuckles slightly. he looks up at hyuck, who notices jeno's smile and returns the smile. "look at hyuck being sentimental."

 

"so, does that mean we're friends again?"

 

"ooh, i don't know. i kind of liked this sentimental side of you. it's a rarity to see."

 

"shut it, ahjussi." hyuck chuckles. "but.. thanks for not throwing me out. as much as it pains me to see you with jaemin after what he did, i am happy that you finally stopped moping about him and you guys are a thing. i'll be nicer to him, if it makes you happy."

 

"thanks." jeno smiles shyly, and both he and hyuck return back to jaemin. they sit and talk for a while. hyuck slowly starts to include jaemin into things, happy that he got his friend back.

 

three months later, the auditions for sm entertainment roll around again. since jaemin never went back to the play after the hospital trip, he missed out on getting scouted. therefore, he had to audition all over again, with hyuck, jisung and jeno at his side. chenle and mark also joined in, wanting to make it big too.

 

after the auditions, it took a week before the final results were posted outside the sm entertainment building. all boys were accepted as trainees, and jeno and jaemin couldn't be happier, as both boys finally got their dream come true. within the next month, they had moved into the dorms. mark, chenle, jaemin, jisung, jeno and hyuck then head towards the practice room for the very first practice.

 

when they open the door and step into the big room, they spot a brown-haired boy dancing in the middle with an older choreographer. the music stops, as the older man points out the new arrivals, and the boy, who turns out to be the recently-scouted renjun, turns and smiles.

 

"are you guys going to be in the nct dream unit too?"


End file.
